I still do not know if I can arrange words collectively long enough to write because my soul wanders, I am not focusing well. Sadness invades my feelings.

Do you know those emotions; I should have? Why didn’t I? And, I cannot believe it is true. What happened? It was so fast. Why didn’t I answer in a deeper loving, caring, and sympathetic way when Dad told me his illness was now terminal. I dulled my emotions somehow to strengthen me.

I have feelings of error, reoccurring recollections, and unbelief in a bizarre way.

Does time mend? Mends what? The sense of loss? I’m afraid I have to disagree. I will continually feel his absence. Some days more substantial than others. Various neighborhoods in our small town unlock memories. Dad’s hometown will be notably challenging to visit.

I will remain in this pain and move ahead on my terms.

However, I can hear Dad now saying, ‘…on life’s terms, not yours.’

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